why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
