Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
