hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
