There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
