Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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