moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
