You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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