high people should be assigned attendants
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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