All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
