if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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