It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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