Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
