She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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