Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
