In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize