Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
