We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
