bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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