Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
