I think I died a long time ago.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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