I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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