Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
