remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
