Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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