I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Randomize
