Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My cat gives me a boner
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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