I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize