I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
