I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
