So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
