Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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