You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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