fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
