when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
