This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
