Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
