is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
