you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
