He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
