It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm always down for nudity.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
