Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
