i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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