You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
