i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
