What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
