Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
