lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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