Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
