there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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