"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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