She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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