I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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