At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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