saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
