i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
