Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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