I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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