everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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