im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
