is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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