No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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