oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
