Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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