The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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