No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
