I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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