Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
