I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
