I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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