it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
