i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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