Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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