we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
