why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
