hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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