Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
