every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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