Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
