My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
